The Savvy Life

Maybe the greatest thing about my significant other is her way of bringing me back to earth without shooting me down.  I should have noticed that wry smile on her face as she approached.  "Can I have one?" she asked, knowing full well that in one bite, I ate my entire crop.  "Well you could have, but the crows ate the rest of them."  I glanced at the tree, and saw five cherry pits hanging piteously.  Six cherries might not seem like much to most people, but compared to last year’s crop, it was a bonanza.

I remember thinking how nice it would be to grow our own food; how cheap it would be compared to store-bought.  I can tell you from experience- t’aint so!  But knowing a little about gardening before I started would have helped.

1. Plants: Not every plant grows everywhere.  Planting palm trees in Alaska yields neither enjoyment nor coconuts.  A reputable nurseryman will not sell you something that won't grow in your area.  Do not be afraid to ask questions; they love to talk plants.  Find out what growing zone the plant prefers.  For instance, I live either in Zone 8 or Zone 9 (as far as I can tell, the border runs right between my living room and kitchen).  If you really like a plant that is not meant for your Zone, try it anyway.  Half the fun is trying to keep a Zone 10 plant growing in Zone 8.

2. Dirt: I always thought that dirt was just the stuff people kick off their shoes before coming into the house.  I found out that there are all kinds of dirt (or as we gardeners call it – soil).  If you want to make your sandy soil-loving plants thrive in clay you can do it, but that ring in your ears isn't Tinnitus.  It is the sound of your nurseryman's cash register.  It's really cool to change clay into sand, but you need the right stuff and that's expensive.  You can save a bundle by planting the type of plant that likes the soil you already have.

3. Soil Amendments: Soil amendments are not cheap.  However, you can save big time by being smart.  Blueberries like a low PH, blackberries do not.  If you want to lower the PH you can either pay a bundle for stuff at your nursery or go to your local Starbuck's and get some used coffee grounds.  They will have a wastebasket full that they'll give you for free.  Or go to your closest park and pick up some pine needles.  They will also do the trick.

Last summer I was shoveling bags full of compost onto my plants when my daughter-in-law asked if I composted.  When I told her I didn't know how, she pointed to my four legged composters in the pasture that were even then providing fertilizer and what I now call my "compost fixin's". 

Nasty insectoids from outer space love to feast on my strawberries.  I used to pay big money for chemicals.  Now I just place saucers of cheap beer around the patch, yell out, "Party!  Party!" and watch them race to the saucers.  It might sound cruel but at least they died happy.  Check out the Internet for a million or so practical tips like that.

4. Equipment: Let's get real.  Do you really need all that fancy equipment to get your plants to grow?  My chest pumped out a little when the guy at Lowe's referred to my new $500 rototiller as "The Beast", but a $15 shovel and elbow grease would have done just as well.  What you really need are the essentials: a shovel, a hula hoe, trowel, pruners and well, that's really about it except for dirt and water.  After all, nature was doing a fine job of it long before we got here with all of our fancy stuff. 

Around here you can just throw some seeds on the ground and they will grow.  I once threw a peach pit on the ground, forgot about it and the next year I had a little peach tree growing.  Maybe you won't get quite the satisfaction you would get if you established your own super scientific neonatal floral unit but neither would you have to invest your kid's college fund.

The point here is simple.  Gardening is fun whether you invest your life savings or not, so why do it.  If you want to spend a lot of cash on something, buy a condo in Cabo.  If you want to grow plants you don't have to spend much at all.  If I had thought about that last year I wouldn't have needed to apply for Federal bailout money.  Be smart or be broke.

By the way, you are all invited to my place next year for the Cherry Festival.  I know – six cherries isn't much, but next year, I'm hoping for at least twelve.